Vulnerability + Power and Where I’ve been

I want to fill you in on what’s been going on with me since it’s been a while. If it’s any indication, I now affectionately dub 2015 the “year life took a crap on my head.” I was put to the test in my relationship, my business, and my family. I want to be honest with you because I bet you’ve been through your own tests if you’re living from your SOUL.

Soul lessons don’t come easy, but they always come on time.

Here’s a fun bullet list of what happened in 2015:

  • After three years, I ended a relationship with the man I thought I’d marry. We tried everything before I made the hard decision to choose joy. Identity shift #1: Love: What the hell. I thought I had you figured out, but clearly I’ve got more to learn.
  • I moved out of NYC. 8 years and 15 storage boxes later, I drove away from a place I fell in love with on the Upper West Side. The beautiful wood table, the prospect of “real” entertaining. As NYC does, it carved itself into my heart; I’ve spent my adult life learning who I am in this beautiful, impossible city. Identity shift #2: Can you build your dream and be who YOU are outside this ambitious city?
  • I burned out. I used to roll my eyes when people said that but now I know it’s real. Exhaustion to the point when someone asked “How are you?” I got angry. “I’m TIRED. How are you?” I didn’t realize until my hair fell out, I got bruises and gout, which is an 80-year-old man’s disease. Identity Shift #3: How do you build your dream and take care of yourself, Ishita? C’mon chile, what is sustainable for YOU.
  • I shifted my role as an adult child. When I got to Detroit, I was blindsided by my mom’s life-or-death health issues; I couldn’t ignore them. I had to care for her, parent myself, and solve entirely new problems. Identity shift #4: What happens when you *really* have to rely on yourself? What if you can’t fix the problem, only endure it?

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  • I moved to Thailand for two months. It was that or move to Mars. I couldn’t help anyone with a wrung out body & soul. So from January to March, I rested. Took boats in Bangkok. Rode a bicycle. Went for walks. Ate noodles till I was sick of ‘em. Let strangers be kind to me. People said, “How cool, you’re on vacation!” I smiled. If only they knew. Some nights I thought, “What the hell am I doing here?” But I started the healing process, started to feel again. Identity shift #5: When you don’t know what to do, can you trust yourself enough to just GO? Here’s some Thailand pics, more to come soon…

So that’s the skinny, friend. BIG changes on the Ishita front.

It took 18 months to figure out what was going on and longer to heal. The number of times I didn’t feel “together” was too many to count. But every day, I chose to take care of myself, even if it was the last thing I thought to do. People talk about how fabulous it is on the other side of a hard time, once you’ve gone through the muck, and it is fabulous. Now I feel great, but we both know it doesn’t happen overnight.

In my experience, the breakdowns are what lead to lasting breakthroughs.

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In the coming months, I’ll tell you what helped me the most to go from survival to healing and thriving. It comes from direct, hard experience baby :). I wrote it all down in my journal, napkins, and notes in my iPhone. Here’s what I’ll share:

1.) How to set boundaries, tell the truth, and have hard conversations
I had the most difficult, awkward conversations with the closest people in my life. I learned how to say No, stand up for myself, and ask for what I need. Hard hard hard. But now I have freedom in relationships which were previously ruled by obligation and horrendous boundaries.

2.) How to take care of myself. Regularly. With the attention I’d give my dearest friends.
Self care is now as important to me as eggs and email. It gave me confidence during lonely moments and patience during transitions. When my ambition/ego got in the way of the gentleness I needed, I got it from self-care.

3.) How to get *real* support and friendship.
Even when I felt *really* messy and small, I trusted a close group of friends, including a coach, with my scariest stuff. Between them, they handled different things at their capacity. Bobby motivated. Tim handled grief. Renee handled the really scary stuff. Gauri picked up every call. Sacha understood every emotion. Susan, Kristen, Sherold gave sage counsel.

2015 changed me from the inside out. To my molecules and my bones. It took me to real places of fear, but ultimately led to sincere soul-level lessons. It’s because of that I now feel more resourced and deeply connected to my vulnerability and my power. I can access insights at a level I couldn’t before.

That’s what I want to share with you. Wherever you are – building your business, struggling with relationships or family, in transition, becoming a leader – let’s go deeper together. Your soul has its own lessons it wants to share. If I can help you navigate it with what I’ve learned, I’m so glad to do so.

I’ve missed you and I’m glad to be back.

Till next time,
xx Ishita

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