The steps outside a church in NYC. Preach NYC, preach!
“Let’s talk about truth, baybee, let’s talk about you and me.” (Know that song?!)
We’re talking about truth because I’m loading up on receiving it and telling it.
Truth has a wide spectrum, friends. Like when my buddy Aaron said, “You know it’s okay to reach out during your most messy moments, Ishita. It’s not ugly.” Oof. He paused, spoke the truth, looked at me straight and I sighed gallons of relief. Or when I told Aunty #25, “I actually don’t have the energy to visit right now.” She didn’t like that response, but I felt better. “Yes, aunty, I will,” leaves me angry at myself for not speaking up and hating aunties.
Truth is an easy one to eff up, because we let ourselves off the hook so readily. Like when Al told me my habit of being late hurt our friendship. I scoffed. “But it’s only 5 minutes! And I don’t do it all the time! Gawd.” Finally, I got it. C’mon, Ishita, he is your best friend; he’s telling you the TRUTH.
Truth is simple, but hard.
Hard because it confronts our deep need to be liked, respected, and approved of.
It’s hard to say, “I don’t want to” when “I can’t make it” makes you look (and feel) less bad. Easier to avoid replying to texts instead of telling a man how you feel, “I don’t feel the energy exchange I want.” The latter leaves you open to being “too much,” “too real,” weird, rejected, embarrassed, not liked. All things we hate. We really hate not being liked!
But that’s the choice.
The choice is to always live wanting respect, to be liked and to never be embarrassed…
Or be FREE.
I choose free. Hands down.
NOT ABOUT THAT SAFE LIFE IN 2017.
So I’ve taken on truth-telling as a recent practice – it really is a practice – and as a multi-vitamin to ward off health issues. Because when I’m NOT telling the truth, I feel weak and small. My body actually stirs up my insides. Not being real with my folks last week is part of the reason I have a sore throat this week. Psychosomatic is a real thing. If my body shows me a truth and I don’t tell it, I get exhausted, sick, and have no energy.
Plus, the more I don’t tell the truth, the more I chip away at even knowing what my truth is (and really, do we want to go backwards?)
Here’s how I told the truth. It’s lovely because although it’s hard and people get awkward, they *REALLY* appreciate it. They blossom when you tell the truth, I’ve experienced it again and again in my life. You’ll see.
- I called out my client last week. If I feel it in my gut but don’t say it, it travels to my heart, makes me anxious and I say all sorts of crazy things. But when I told the truth, I was calm, clear and said it easily. “You keep expecting it to be handed to you – you’re not taking action or responsibility. You’re not. Stop coming back to this story.” I shook her story loose and didn’t let her off the hook. We all have our stories. They keep us safe. Hers was excuses and blaming it on “them.” I affectionately told her it kept her safe, but small. She hated hearing it, you could see her squirm, but the next day she took a lot of action and signed two new contracts.
Boom skilly skilly boom.
That’s how it happens!
You tell the truth. Let it pierce you to your core (that’s where the magic is.) Clear out the crap story. Allow new space. Take lots of action and let the truth give you exactly what you wanted in the first place that your story didn’t let you have!
- I told a woman who wanted to work together but had money beliefs she needed to work on those first. “I see you succeeding but I don’t spend time convincing people, it doesn’t feel good to me,” I said. I referred her to two great coaches and lovingly told her – “You get the real me from the very first time we talk. And I tell the truth.”
Tony Robbin’s said, “People don’t hire you to be their friend. They hire you to light a fire…” (paraphrasing.) He’s right.
Even my own coach says things sometimes that make me think, “Obviously she’s lost her damn mind, she just doesn’t get it.” Then it sinks in later.
We have enough friends. What you’re looking for, especially from a coach, is to get shaken loose from your stories that keep you small.
I’d rather tell the truth all day and set us both free than be polite or loving.
It’s not loving at all to help someone stay small.
- I told the sales guy who irritated me the truth about why we won’t be working together.
- I told my sister we don’t have to talk when we don’t feel like it but we think we should. That if she genuinely doesn’t want to or can’t talk, we don’t have to! It was weird at first – we’re twins and super close – but now we both feel free to be our real selves instead of worrying about each other in unnecessary ways.
- I told men the truth how I didn’t feel, “the energy exchange I liked.” They appreciated it and asked for more feedback & insight. “I’m glad you were honest. Otherwise it’s confusing and hard to know where it went wrong.” Now there’s way more openness and humanity in a process where people usually make a lot of assumptions about people!
- I connect better to people in regular life because I’m not worrying how to show up, I just show up. Less thinking, more presence.
Life feels better each time – not more comfortable per se, but less heavy. Now that I’ve taken it on, it’s easy (and insane) to see how often I *thought* I was being real before, but was actually giving inauthentic responses to even mundane, everyday things.
Truth clears up the bullshit.
It frees you of stories you don’t like, but that you’re used to. You’re so used to it you don’t even know when you drop into them.
Now you can tell the truth.
Give yourself a clearing.
Space to say “Yep, he’s right. He’s telling me the truth.”
Truth feels like THE remedy for 2017, personally speaking. “The truth will set you free” is a no-joke adage.
Let’s get real with ourselves.
Let’s get real with the people in our world.
However small, where can you tell the truth today? Is there a person or conversation you’re avoiding? You don’t have to tell ALL the truth, but even a small truth will give you freedom, which will propel you to keep going. Even if you’re afraid, where can you speak up to give yourself what you need?
This isn’t about setting the town on fire; it’s about you regaining a piece of freedom, relief, and power back for YOU.
Only then can you gift it to others.
Tell the truth today. Don’t get wrapped up in a story. And if someone you know or love is wrapped up in their story, share this with them. Not to fix or change them, but to help them see how free they can feel. Don’t skip this step; think about who you love that needs to start feeling power back and share share share. If not you, then who.
Always with affection, always with truth.