“When you’ve made a big decision that took you a while, should you talk to people about it? Or do you wait to tell them and be open about it?”
This was my favorite question from our Blazing Q&A call a few weeks ago; we get the best personal questions on our monthly Q&A call because you guys dig deep to ask and I dig deep to answer from a REAL place.
So how do you know when to talk to people about a big decision? Can you be authentic, but still strong, knowing people will have their own opinions?
Real talk: I’ve been burned many times talking about my ideas prematurely. It sucked and I had to learn when to keep my mouth shut and when to be open with people. Here’s the video with my full answer.
In it, I share:
- Know yourself.
I learned I don’t like to talk to people when I’m confused or in early stages of an idea; unless they’re in a similar situation or already moved through it. Safe people are ones who can be WITH the hard thing without falling INTO the hard thing themselves. I used to talk to everyone, but now I know I need to feel clear what I’m doing and why before I talk about it. Otherwise I waste energy and allow other people’s noise to enter my space. No bueno.
- Learn from your patterns.
I used to say things prematurely and felt confused or regretful about it after I’d done it; It felt like I’d been running my mouth for no reason. I had to LEARN from those moments. Now I say things on a need-to-know basis because I KNOW people have opinions about what I say. Remember: opinions are like #$sholes; everybody has one. :)
- Know who you’re talking to / who your audience is.
Authentic relationships do NOT mean being open all the time. Not everyone is like you and they don’t have the same responses as you. Be discerning. If you’re transparent by nature, that’s fine. But remember not everyone will be the same way. I’ve been open in the name of being authentic and it turned out awful because the other person wasn’t. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in this department so I’m more discerning now when to speak so it GIVES me power instead of taking it away.
It begins by trusting yourself. In order to trust yourself you have to KNOW yourself. You get gut feelings all the time about whether to say something or not, the choice to LISTEN is up to you. :) Experiment with saying things and not saying them and seeing how you feel; notice your patterns and write down when it feels good vs. when it doesn’t. Notice. Once you see your patterns, you’ll see where you want to be more cautious and where you can be more open
And if you’re struggling to know where you fall or how to do this, email me. I’ll do another post about it or explain it in a different way. If this helped you how to walk the balance between being real but discerning, pass it on to your family or friend who may need to hear the same thing. We ALL STRUGGLE with this but we don’t talk about it openly. Be the person who quietly helps the people in your life reduce their struggle every day.
To using our voice in the right way.