You don’t even know you’re doing it.

Hart-Newsletter 2:13:15

Last year I realized I had a bad habit that I repeated over and over again, without knowing. It happened all the time; when I wrote, when I ate, when I spoke. Even when I slept. One day my guy said across the couch, “Babe are you okay? Are you angry about something?”

I side-eyed him. “What do you mean?” and kept tapping away on my computer.

“Well, you’re frowning big time. Are you good? You worried about something?”

My eyes quickly shot up to my brows. I looked in the mirror on the wall. Oof. I wasn’t just frowning, I looked insane. Huge frown lines creased my face, eyes buried. I looked angry and worried, and my entire face changed its shape.

“How crazy,” I said. Here I am, content as a clam, but I look very pissed off.

“I didn’t even know I was doing anything…” I said, genuinely surprised.

“Clearly,” he said. We laughed for a long time.

We give off the wrong signals without knowing it all the time.

To our families. To clients. To the universe.

Without realizing it, the small things we do become habits. Those habits get stronger. Soon, we become less aware of our default reactions to certain people or places, and don’t know realize when they show up. “I wish I hadn’t reacted to her like that again! Why’d I say that again to him?!”

We do things without knowing why or if we want to do them sometime. We just keep DOING. And since we’re not used to noticing when our behavior works and when it doesn’t, we reinforce and send mixed signals all the time.

Why bother changing?

Because we send the wrong signals if we don’t. We put people off or confuse them. Sometimes we even send the opposite signals we want to send – to clients, to readers, to lovers.

Right now in your business you may be sending the wrong signals. If you’re dissatisfied or unhappy, it’s time to check in – your signals may be subtly sending people away.

  • Do you make less money than you want? Check if your financial house is in order and if you’ve cleared out debt. Money doesn’t land in chaos.
  • Do you have less readers than you’d like? Check if you really know what they want to hear. Not knowing (yourself) or them is a turn off.
  • Do your networking events lead to clients? If not, is your pitch clear? People can’t hire you if they don’t understand what you do.
  • Do you sell a lot but don’t close the sale? Notice how you think about money. Sales is a transfer of confidence. Worry says, “I need you. Please keep away.”

When you send wrong signals, you create more work for yourself.

No matter how hard you put yourself out there, you won’t get results.

Reminds me of Meg Ryan and Kevin Kline in the movie, “French Kiss.” Ryan says she doesn’t understand the allure of pouty French woman. “Use the corresponding face for the corresponding emotion. Happy, smile. Sad, frown.”

Kline schools her, “But that allure of the woman is in her pout! The man never knows what to expect so he’s always on his toes. It’s sexeeee.”

Fine for women, but not entirely for business. Business isn’t only about the allure; it’s about communication. If you make people work too hard to understand your message, it does the opposite of attract: it distracts. Like when I was happy but confused my guy with by frowning.

In order to get the results we want, we need to be clear about our signals and what we want them to achieve.

Stop unconsciously or consciously giving the wrong impression. It starts by noticing your signals and how people respond and perceive you.

Want more readers? See if you’re aligned with yourself first. Make an effort to understand yourself and you’ll see an uptick in engagement. When you network, don’t waiver, just deliver your pitch! You’ll get leads. When you sell, make sure it’s confidence that transfers, not fear.

If you don’t notice, you’ll end up looking like angry Kevin Hart.

I turned my business around but it couldn’t have happened if I didn’t do anything about it. Not taking action sends the wrong signal to your business and the universe, “I’d rather hide” and “I’m too scared to change.”

We both know that’s not true. It’s time to turn that frown upside down.

xx Ishita

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