In Martial Arts there are two ways to meet an attack.

One method is to lean on your heels, waiting for the attack to come in. In this posture, all the weight is on heels. Ill-prepared to meet an attack, you usually lose because of your lax posture.

Or…

You get on your toes. You lean forward, knees bent, flexible and ready to meet what comes in. In this posture, you’re proactive and probably win.

These same postures apply to our lives. When things get out of control and we’re overwhelmed with things to do, people to see, or deadlines to meet, we can adopt one of these postures. We either meet the attack head on, ready for whatever may come in, or we relax and let it hit us straight on.

Language is important.

When helping others or giving advice/feedback, language is critical in determining the outcome of the situation. It sets the tone for how both parties will feel after the interaction is over.

When we use “we” “our” “us” instead of the singular “I” “you” “me” that we’re so often used to, it creates a shared mindset, and conveys the important transfer of emotion in sales, job interviews, etc. It helps communicate that we actually care about the other person and their problem and in collaborating with them to solve it. It also shows that we’re willing to be part of the process, integrate ourselves into the problem and its solution, and incorporate ourselves into the culture we’d like to be in.

Using the right words goes a long way in helping the other person, but also has the potential to improve others perceptions of you. If you’re genuine and honest about helping someone, then using “we” gives them the opportunity to see how involved you are. In job interviews, using “we can improve our client relations by doing X” you’re already injecting yourself into the atmosphere, letting them audibly hear you say it, and allowing them to visualize it in their minds. Its a powerful tool in helping others see just what your words are trying to convey.

“We’ll work together to get this done” emphasizes collaborative intentions and outcomes. It communicates your interest, enthusiasm, and concern.

I spoke to a non-profit about their marketing yesterday. Using “why don’t we reach out to the people we’re already connected with?” and “our blogging efforts so far have been slow” changed the tone of the conversation. They didn’t expect an embracing and collaborative approach and were pleasantly surprised to hear someone as invested in their message as they were. It helped me help them more.

If you’re not helping someone because you believe in them/their message, stop. If you do believe, then show them that through your language. It’s as simple as consciously switching one letter in your words: “we” for “me.”