As we refine our goals and come closer to picking one that meets our desires, fear sets in. Fear that we don’t know what the future holds. Fear that we don’t know what we want. Fear that we’ll pick wrong. These fears suck the creativity out of you. They feel horrible and “if you could only get rid of the fear then you could do what you want!”

It’s true. Fear halts our progress and increases our anxiety. But it’s also a signal of truth.

Fear is our natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.

As we move closer to defining who we really are and what we want out of life, our fear increases. It means we’re taking ourselves seriously. It means we’re taking our dreams seriously. We’re looking for the truth behind our experiences and that’s pretty scary. It means we’re looking at where we are and where we want to go, and realizing the road in between is long. Looong.

But that’s a good thing. Being serious with ourselves and getting scared shows us exactly where we need to be brave. It shows us the battles we need to face and that we have to face them this time- this time we have to be courageous. Fear doesn’t come without its benefits.

Feeling fear is the prerequisite to discovering who you really are. Without the fear, the path wouldn’t be worth much. Or be much fun.

In Nepal, the dogs bark all night long. Every 20 minutes or so they all stop at the same time and there’s an immense feeling of relief.

Then they start back up again.

Turns out the Nepali people don’t freak out, throw stones or beat the dogs into silence. They don’t do anything at all. They realize it’s silly to control factors outside of their control. They’re experts at dealing with the dogs because they don’t deal with them at all.

What they do is learn how to survive with the barking. They create conditions inside themselves and in their environment that allows them to rise above the barking. They realized that worrying about the barking steals even more sleep than sleeping amidst the barking.

Think about the demands on your time, energy, focus, and peace of mind everyday. How often do conflicting responsibilities, commitments and decisions weigh on our minds and leave us irritable, helpless, and unable to do what we want?

It’s the control factor. Trying to control factors you can’t inherently control is a big waste of time. Better to control what you’re able to and stop worrying about the rest. The demands will never grow shorter or smaller, but our ability to rise above them can expand as much as we want.

That wasn’t a typo. I’m just averse to writing the phrase “fake it till you make it.” I’m also averse to hearing it and saying it to others. It never feels right, even when I know what it’s supposed to convey.

I understand the idea behind it, and agree wholeheartedly that you should believe in yourself. Fully. To the point where people believe what you say even if you don’t believe it.

This may be a game of semantics, but in our world, semantics matter. Words matter. They carry power, and we’ve seen the incredible power of a kind word, the unforgettable destruction of a negative word. That’s why great leaders inspire us-their words resonate because they remind us of who we really are, we see in ourselves the qualities which we admire in those we respect.

In our heads, the conversations we have with ourselves and the words we speak influence our actions. Thoughts are things. They become words, then actions. If we’re trying to build a tribe or start a company or lead a movement or believe in ourselves, why choose to start with something that uses the word “fake” even as a passing phrase?

Benjamin Zander says that this entire world is a game. I agree. Our realities are subjective based on our desires, needs, and dreams. The strategies we use and the words we say have an impact on the events and people in our lives, and games are played on many levels.

Why then, don’t we play a game that allows us to win? Why not, instead of “faking it” we remind ourselves of the potential, the power, the influence we already possess? Why don’t we remember we were born with these inherent qualities? Why do we need to fake it at all, when reminding ourselves of what we already have is good enough?

“Faking it” doesn’t motivate. It leaves me tired and unsure. Reminding myself of the courage and abilities I have, leaves me invigorated, ready to tackle.

Remembering your true nature takes away any desire to “fake it”-to be someone who you’re not. You realize that where you’re at is exactly where you need to be. Working hard and competing and learning new things and improving your skills are great things to do. Necessary, if you want to succeed. But to do those things, “faking it” will only get you so far. To push past the finish line, remembering your true nature will get you across into the winner’s circle.

You’re a powerhouse. Of energy. Of enthusiasm. Of passion. Of intention. Of purpose. You have the skills and abilities to get what you want and to help others do the same.

Why not remember that instead next time you feel the need to “fake it”?

Ferns are a natural symbol of growth. Just to exist they battle bugs, storms, a tough layer of soil. Existing itself is a tiring.

But existing isn’t enough for ferns.  

Ferns reach.  

One by one their leaves create a lofty shape reaching far past the soil.  This comes from an intense push against the ground to rise higher, continuously breaking free of the physical limitations imposed upon them. Growth.

Growth doesn’t come from doing things you’re good at. Nor does it come from doing things you love. Real growth comes from a more uncomfortable place.  A place of challenges and obstacles that force us to constantly push to get above ground.

Growth comes from doing things you don’t want to do when you don’t want to do them.  It’s embracing the thing we resist and fear the most. Doing a great job working for someone else is growth.  Teaching yourself something you don’t like doing but need to learn is growth. Prioritizing tasks in the face of intense deadlines is growth. Admitting to yourself why you’re scared is growth. Not running away from your responsibilities is growth.

Most importantly, acceptance is growth.

Accept the thing you least want to do. Embrace it.  Pretend it was the very thing you were put on this Earth to do. Do it to the best of your ability and don’t think about the results.  Take the next step, finish the daunting task, get clear about your relationship.  

Effort counts. Battling the desire to flee counts. Realizing that the anxiety of fighting it outweighs the risk of doing it counts.

That’s growth.    

Now reach.