Trying to look good and avoiding looking bad messes with our lives; when it becomes a habit, soon your relationships start to exhaust you, you can’t be present with others, and you don’t feel like yourself.
Contrast that to when you move beyond a habit because you know why you do it. What’s here? Huge results in your life and relationships that actually feel good. Most of all, you get the holy grail: FREEDOM.
One of the most common ways we try to look good is by making too many promises.
Promising makes us feel good in the moment, but it backfires fast when the list grows long, especially if we know we can’t or don’t want to deliver.
So we break our word.
And repeatedly breaking our word keeps us small and powerless.
I realized I had a terrible relationship with my word last year when I made lots of promises without delivering on any. Words came out, “I can do that” “Yep, I’ll call you next week” but I didn’t do anything. For example, I told someone I’d connect with her repeatedly but never did. We had the same conversation every two months about how we’d talk and after doing this three times, I felt ashamed and embarrassed so I just stopped calling. But I felt terrible about it every day!
When you don’t keep your word it nags you every single day.
It also kept me from taking risks in other parts of my life, and I felt small. I started to think I was a peon who never kept her word, not a powerful person who got results.
But I ain’t no peon!
And neither are you!
The only truth is that we’re in the HABIT of not keeping our word.
So I used the entire year to practice and I’m still practicing today.
Now I’ve taken on: I AM MY WORD. And the shifts that happen in one day using this mindset are huge. It can happen in one day.
I identified my own reasons for not keeping my word: I was afraid and I’d made it a habit to over-promise out of “duty.” Once I shed light on these (not-so-fun) things about myself, it was easier to change my behavior.
In the video, I talk about how to have the hard conversation and own up to not keeping your word. Here’s how:
Lighten up. You’re human and shame only makes things heavier. “I bet they think I’m not accountable…” “They probably don’t trust me…” “They probably hate me…” Some of that *might* be true but most of it likely isn’t. There’s almost nothing a conversation where you OWN IT doesn’t help. But in order to fix it, take the pressure off, stop worrying what they’ll think, and be light-hearted. You may still screw up, but it’s okay. Develop a lighter relationship to your word and to the mistakes of the past, because that’s the only way to do the heavy lifting.
Own it. Own it. Own it. OWN IT. Then own it again. Stop worrying about disapproval and looking good and just be unstoppable owning it. I said to the woman, “I can’t keep a promise if my life depended on it right now! But I’m working on it.” One of the most relieving things I’ve ever said!
Stop making promises. Just because you’re used to doing it doesn’t mean you should continue to do it!
Instead of filling space to avoid disappointing people or doing it because you “should” just Shut uppa yo mouth.
Zipped lips are the path to freedom. They’re your best friend while you’re practicing keeping your word – to others but most of all to YOURSELF.
Because it’s how you feel about yourself that gives you power.
Make the call. Keep your word. No more promises.
Do you struggle with keeping your word? Is it time to zip your lips for a while and stop making promises? Email me at email@example.com and tell me where you’re at and what you want to take on for yourself. And remember, share this with the entire world if someone you know needs to hear this. You might make false promises, but so do the rest of us. Help your family and friends get their integrity back by lovingly suggesting they check themselves before they wreck themselves. :) In 2017, we ARE OUR WORD.