How to Sell & *Really* Connect with People

Today’s post is about business. Specifically how to sell and connect with anyone in a way where both of you leave feeling good.

Often we leave conversations disappointed and don’t know why. In sales, especially because people say No, it triggers us even more when conversations go south. I’ve been there many times.

When I first started my business, I didn’t have a clue how to sell or even what it was. I’d totally avoid the phone, scared I’d annoy someone or feel awkward. For weeks I didn’t make any calls until I realized I was sabotaging myself. Ugh. I felt small.

So I did what any one of you would do: I went in the opposite direction and made 50 sales calls in one week. One. Week. I STEAMROLLED through as many as I could to get over my fear and practice feeling awkward and rejected.

It was one of the scariest times of my life but also showed me I was capable of A LOT. I worked SO hard and filled every hour of my schedule with a conversation. Madness. I continued to call all that month.

After speaking to around 80 people that month, by the end of it I was a different human being. I contributed to so many people’s lives and worked so hard through the fear that all I felt was EXPANDED.

I was more fulfilled than ever and created a huge bonus result that shocked me: in one month I’d created $10,000 worth of new revenue in business.

Apparently people wanted what I had to offer! Apparently I showed up better than I thought. Apparently I could sell!

Shock of my life. I would NOT have guessed the outcome for a second had I not gone down this road.

Sales became fun and it’s continued to be fun ever since.

Over the years I’ve learned how to tweak and test the sales process. Like true art and mastery, there’s always another level to learn.

So today, I’ll give you 3 Mindsets that will help you start the sales process in an entirely new way.

In order to be effective in sales and in your life, use these to help you be more genuine and infuse real joy into your conversations.

JOY is what people can feel.

It’s also what sells.

#1. CREATE “RELATEDNESS” WITH PEOPLE
Connecting to someone first requires that you care about who they are and what’s going on for them. To listen well, you first need to create “relatedness.” That means you know if they’re about to hop in the shower and might feel rushed? Did they have a busy day with a million emails? Did their mom just get sick?

Get into THEIR world and actively step OUT of your own. Easier to get into theirs, harder to STEP out of yours.

Without developing relatedness, your shot at being effective, i.e. this person feeling good and ready to listen to YOU, is slim.

Be with them. Just be.

On some calls, I’d actively send the person loving thoughts, “I’m with you…” “I understand what you’re going through…” It helped me be present and keep it about THEM. People could for sure feel it.

If you want to be heard, start by listening.

The best way to do this is not to put on your “sales” hat. Remember, this is another crazy, weird, vulnerable HUMAN being like you. If the tables were turned and they had to make a sales call, they’d feel exactly like you do. Get into that space first and foremost.

#2. DROP YOUR AGENDA
This means be an empty vessel. Don’t come into the conversation knowing what your outcome should be. That’s a surefire way to fail because you START the conversation from getting, not giving value.

Most people, even if we say we don’t have an agenda, do. Even in subtle ways the person on the other end can feel it. They always can. Remember this when you start to get irritated if it sounds like they’re about to say No.

The only way to really be present is to drop your agenda. Once you’re empty, then you have space to fill with THEIR desires. But if you come in with YOUR hopes, ain’t no space for theirs. You can’t listen for what they really need because you’re too focused on showing them YOU have what they need. Then we think, “It sucks that it didn’t work out.”

I’m not saying you shouldn’t have goals. Have them.

The point is you’ll meet those goals faster and with more joy and fulfillment if you drop your agenda and focus on really listening.

Don’t try to influence the outcome, just influence by who you are BEING.

#3. TREAT THEM LIKE FAMILY
Be direct with people. Be passionate. Tell them about your services like you’d tell your sister if she had the same problem they had. I don’t know about you but when I want my friends to do something, I’m really convincing. I push, sometimes lovingly, sometimes terribly, but I show them I care. I don’t recommend you force feed a stranger, but I TOTALLY recommend you tell the truth to help someone have a breakthrough.

Stand in the truth and if what they need is behind their fear, sometimes it’s quite okay to push.

Often times I’ve left calls knowing someone felt angry about my coaching, but they’d email me a week later saying, “Thanks for being honest, it’s exactly what I needed to hear.”

This works like gangbusters. It’s also the only way to BE real and authentic and not put on your “sales” hat. Be yourself, even if you show up strong at times. Risk looking awful to tell the truth.

Just be straight and real. Add some love and you’re off to the races.

And remember, whether you’re on your first sales call, or your 50th, operate from exactly the same space of energy and no agenda on your 100th call as you were on #3. I.e. your 100th person shouldn’t FEEL like they’re the 100th person you’re speaking to that day.

xx Ishita

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