Remember the movie Gremlins? Here’s the story: Man gets cute pet. Pet acts normal. One day man accidentally feeds pet after midnight. Pet turns into killing monster, wreaks havoc until man kills pet. Oops! Late night snack = big problem.
Late night snacks are a big problem for me too.
Daytime. Cheetos after midnight.
Last week, the storyline came back when I took a meeting for a potential speaking gig and called my coach after, “I don’t feel like I showed up confidently. I said extra stuff I didn’t need to, and I didn’t feel good but I don’t know why.”
“We gotta get the gremlins outta your mind, Ishita,” she said after listening.
Today’s video tells you how to manage your gremlins so they don’t hijack your confidence. In the video I share what I did to kick my gremlin to the curb.
Gremlins and beliefs share the same modus operandi: Both start out unassuming and harmless, but over time TURN ON US.
Gone unchecked, negative beliefs kill our confidence.
If you’ve ever thought, “It’s too late for me,” “I’m so far behind,” “I’m starting from scratch,” and felt paralyzed by fear, you know the gremliny nature of our beliefs.
The more attention you give them, the more True they are for you, the more strongly these beliefs steal your hope and confidence. When you collapse your beliefs – which are not real – with reality, which is real, it’s like thinking gremlins are cute, but overlooking that they’re actually killing machines.
My coach and I worked on my insidious gremlin and dislodged it in 10 minutes. I got freed up to go to my next meeting feeling like MYSELF.
Try this if something feels off in your life; it could be a gnarly gremlin holding you back from how you want to feel, and it was a total blind-spot for me until last week.
That nagging, doubtful, insecure feeling is NOT YOU.
1. Identify WHY you don’t feel comfortable in the first place
In my situation, I didn’t feel confident, even though I took a lot of meetings; i.e. I took action, but I didn’t feel good about it. You could want to take action, but not actually do it. Or you may want to move faster. Or you’re moving fast but not getting results. Whatever it is, nail down what doesn’t feel right.
2. Get help
Once you’ve identified the issue, don’t stay with the same thoughts cycloning in your mind. What a nightmare. I’d have spent ALL DAY feeling confused had Renee not swooped in.
Want to be a high-performer? Stop making excuse to get help.
The best athletes and business people have coaches and support. “I should just be able to get over it” is a HUGE pitfall and wastes so much time.
3. Ask yourself the same question until you get to the root.
Here’s how: I said to Renee, “I felt weird at the meeting. I say I’m a speaker, but I haven’t spoken in over a year.”
R: “What does it mean if you haven’t spoken for some time?”
IG: “It means I haven’t devoted time, attention, energy or skill to my craft.”
R: “What does it mean if you haven’t devoted time to the craft?”
IG: “It means I’m not a serious speaker!”
R: “What does it mean if you’re not a serious speaker?”
IG: “God Renee. I don’t know! It means I’m inauthentic. I’m not speaking but I say I’m a speaker. It means I’m not in integrity with who I say I am.”
R: “What’s it mean if you’re not in integrity with who you say you are?”
IG: “It means I’m not trustworthy. I don’t tell the truth about who I am. I feel like a bad person and a liar.”
R: “Okay. So there’s that.”
As we kept going, I saw how I attributed traits to myself that were totally untrue: “I’m a liar…” “I’m a bad person…” “I’m not trustworthy…” Blah blah blah. These gremlins and beliefs are NOT REAL. What IS real, the only thing that is real – is that I haven’t spoken in over a year.
I stopped feeling ashamed and my game suddenly changed: How much more stock value do I have because of what I’d done last year: managed a private business in a new field, trained in marketing, hired and trained staff, live customer service. I brought that much more to the table.
That’s what happens when the gremlins are gone. You’ll ask: What do I have MORE of now that I didn’t have before? How much more well-suited to X am I?” “I’m starting from scratch” and “it’s too late” become totally irrelevant.
4. Dislodge the gremlin and remind yourself that it WILL come back.
How? Take AS MUCH ACTION as you can right after you dislodge it to build your muscle, cementing the new brain groove to remind you: My beliefs aren’t real. Gremlins aren’t real. I am not my gremlin. I’m a human who knows the difference between reality and a horror story. I get to choose where I operate from and what I control.
I’ll save my monsters for the movies, not my life.
PS: If you’re going to get rid of your gremlins today, high-five! SMACK. There it is. It takes guts to do this and I’ll send you good juju from here. Also, if this helped you feel better, share it with your closest peeps. They need help too and you may be THE person to help them figure out what’s keeping them from how they want to feel. Take action today that’s out of the ordinary for you to be extra loving and helpful. It makes a difference to people even if you don’t know it.