That leaves me thinking about it for the next few weeks constantly, knowing that I have things to say but not the right words to express them.

I think way too much about blogging, writing,(life in general, really) and sometimes I just need to bite the bullet. I’m at risk of TMI in these particular types of posts, but i’m giving myself the liberty to write things that suck. Perhaps bigtime. And for you to read them. And they may not all be about entrepreneurship or writing or the creative process or anything relevant to anyone but me.

But apart from “growing an audience” (which is not my goal) isn’t a blog meant for yourself anyway? To stimulate thought and express ideas, emotions, transitions, the grey stuff of life we feel but don’t talk about? I think so. So I can’t guarantee that all posts will be helpful, but i know for a fact they’ll be honest. 

This is me taking simple action to get myself back in the habit of blogging, of writing, of getting over the fear that it’s all been said and there’s nothing more to add and blase blase blase. We’ve heard it all before from the millions of tortured people who claim they “write.”

Well now i do again.

Not sure if this was smart, but boy did it feel good.

couldn’t find a pic that matched my mood

Time is an illusion. Don’t measure it by the amount of hours/effort you put in, measure it by goals you accomplish.

A lofty goal combined with serious effort gets results.

Doing things quickly and repetitively helps you get over anxiety about failure.

Making a decision is more important than doing things perfectly.

When in the dip (the tedious execution phase), remember the larger goal of your project and the value it provides to the world.

You don’t have to do everything alone.

Good things await when you take a risk (a smart one), no matter how afraid you are.

If you win, you win. If you lose, you win. (From Rocky and stepping out of your comfort zone.)

When you think you’ve reached your limit, do more.

You just might waste your life away in idleness and bullshit if you’re not careful.

Taking initiative matters.

Being who you want to be and who you think you really are is largely a decision.

Flexibility is your biggest asset.

You don’t have to do things like everyone else.

Focus on what matters. Few things matter, but those that do need maniacal focus.

Getting rejected is ok. In fact, if you do it quick enough, rejection speeds up your road to success. (Similarly, rejection doesn’t matter until you stop trying. Once you stop trying, getting rejected becomes a big deal.)

Taking care of the things (and people) you love in your life matters everyday, no matter how busy you are.

Learn the language of the people you wish to speak to and communicate with (French or analytics.)

Don’t stay busy. Get real things done that matter (ignore what looks like your job and focus on what really is your job.)

The best instruction I’ve ever heard on the spiritual path is to stay. Stay with that feeling of anxiety, of fear. Stay with the discomfort of embarrassment or humiliation. Stay with your anger, don’t hold onto it, but stay with it. Instead of running away as we always do, or reaching for something, anything, to ease our pain in that moment, stay. Stay nailed right to the spot.

Staying doesn’t mean getting consumed by it. It means immersing yourself in it with awareness. Perhaps you’ll find that your feeling starts to dissolve around your awareness, or perhaps not. The thing is, you’ll only find out by starting to stay.

Pema Chodron is the creator of this idea of staying, and she talks about it beautifully in her book, When Things Fall Apart.

In Boston, students dominate the landscape. Starbucks and backpacks for miles. I spent some time teaching English to international students, and although I was the teacher, I learned a lot about myself and in general from my students (who couldn’t believe that a small, smiley Indian was their English teacher.)

The greatest thing I discovered, besides the fact that English is hard to teach and even harder to learn, is that the learning process is complicated and full of components, a huge one being comfort. How a student takes in knowledge is important, but really, what I noticed was that a certain comfort level needed to be established before any learning could take place.

For international students especially, those far from home, in a strange land (yes, America is strange), learning a new language with new peers is daunting. Although we went over grammar well (as well as one can), we spent a great deal of time talking about their time in the U.S., their friends and parents at home, their future careers, their apartment hunts in the city, etc.

One student, Anna, from Spain, was a great student, totally open and receptive to learning, but I noticed that she always seemed a bit nervous or blue or just uncomfortable, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. We spoke after class one day and turns out she was feeling hugely isolated in Boston, away from her family, and mingling with students half her age (She was a business professional learning English for work.) I totally empathized as feeling isolated and missing my family is something i’ve always felt when I’m away, and we talked about that for a few minutes. She’s Spanish, so I knew my usual affection, something that might weird other people out, would go a long way with her. We connected and talked about her fears and from that minute on, things changed. Not that Anna was more teachable, but she was much more open to life. Big difference.

Our interaction took on a different tone, and it was as though a huge weight had been lifted simply by talking about her fears and anxieties. I saw that those few minutes dismissed any potential problems she may have had about being in Boston, and that the slightest reference to her discomfort made it disappear. Left unchecked, I think it would have loomed, dominated her mind, and the outcome would have been entirely different. I bet she would have still learned English, but that her experience would not have brought many worthwhile memories.

Once you prove to someone you care, they start to care about proving to you their end of the bargain. I knew Anna wanted to prove to me that she could be happy and learn English well, and I was glad we had a respect for each other in that regard.

Sometimes the goal (learning English) may be better served by not recognizing the goal and instead thinking about the lead-up to achieving that goal, i.e. getting students to a level of comfort, within themselves and with me, enough to want to learn English. Realizing that there’s a reason that a person is coming to a situation the way they are is a useful skill. Recognizing and acknowledging the depth of what they’re bringing with them (emotionally and mentally) is even more important.

Please forgive any grammar mistakes in this post, and just to make it useful, here’s a link to who vs. whom, so you can finally let go of (some) of your grammar frustration. Because it’s important.

Words that help, words that hinder. Actions of initiative or inaction that leads to paralysis. 

When we’re troubled or uncertain, what makes things better and what makes us fall back into cycles of negative thinking?

We’re programmed to ride the wave of our emotions, to continue patterns we’re used to without considering the many things we could do that are far more helpful to our state of mind.

Knowing the strategies which help you confront fear and uncertainty, and being cognizant of those things that don’t serve you in moments where you need clarity, is a very useful tool that we don’t normally consider. 

For example, phrases that remind me of imminent future fears, “Turning over subconscious thoughts in your mind will help them manifest in reality” do not serve me in moments of uncertainty. If I’m thinking negatively about something, the awareness of the fact that it’s more likely to happen if I’m thinking about it incessantly, is not a helpful construct. So I don’t read or listen to those things that remind me of it. In those moments, something uplifting or that gives me hope for the future, something positive, which reminds me of the potential I have inside works much better. 

Get to know the things that work for you specifically.  Remind yourself of them and don’t expect them to work for the person next to you, or your husband, or your best friend. Seek out and use the tools that work for you.  You’ll be happy you did.

Pema Chodron is an incredible spiritual advisor and author. Her words hit home so deeply that you find yourself pausing to really take stock of how she knows exactly what you’re feeling in the moment you’re feeling it (maybe that’s just what i do.)

I can’t think of a more useful and practical teaching than Pema’s teaching on groundlessness. It’s the ground we constantly try to capture under our feet when we know well that there’s no ground there to stand on. Knowing that there’s no ground, but wanting it anyway, we feel uncertainty and fear arise.

Groundlessness is THE key to understanding our pain and suffering, and how sometimes we cycle into it ourselves and sustain it with our need for ground.

The following books blew open my mind in dealing with fear, anxiety, and groundlessness:

http://www.amazon.com/Comfortable-Uncertainty-Teachings-Pema-Chodron/dp/1570629722

http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Difficult/dp/1570623449

http://www.amazon.com/Wisdom-Escape-Path-Loving-Kindness/dp/0877736324

Essential reading. Essential.

photo by kwerfeldein on flickr

I like social media. I do.

In fact, in the last 6 months, I’ve become addicted to blogs, forums, online network groups, and anything related to the words “web 2.0.”

I’ve kept up on my facebook, updated my blog, managed comments from blog posts, ravaged social media sites, and soon, I’ll be tweeting. Or maybe not. Tweeting seems awfully tiring. And it may just be cause for Dr.’s to prescribe more Ritalin-which I’m no fan of.

Today I came across this statement from Danielle LaPorte on improving your business:

“Stop thinking of your site and your blog as separate things. There needs to be a paradigm shift whereby entrepreneurs create ONE on-line space for themselves that includes the “brochure ware” that is the critical function of sites, and regularly updated and informative content, aka, a blog. Having a site with a “BLOG” button that pushes users out to a totally different space (usually not even reflecting the aesthetic brand of your primary website,) is like having one clothing store that just sells pants, and sending your customer down the street to your “other” store to buy a shirt. Keep your customers under one umbrella so that they can explore and utilize your universe.”

“Create a seamless one-stop portal of all that you do so you are capturing the various interests of your visitors in one fell swoop: to read inspiring stuff, to buy a product, to hire you as a speaker or for a service you provide. The more they know, the better. If you architect it with logic and simplicity, you can accomplish a lot in one space. Having a separate blog usually screams “after thought.”

“Repeat: If you have more than one on-line space that is essentially talking about what you do or sell – collapse it all into one. This also helps with search engine optimization and ranking. And erase the word “blog” from your consciousness. Think in terms of regular, engaging content that you can deliver.”

I have to admit, this advice felt intuitively right to me, though I understand the need for separate online spaces for a specific purpose. I felt a mix of relief and happiness that maintaining five online presences is not a necessary element for new “social media.” I like that meaningful content, housed in one place, with other useful items nearby, doesn’t inundate the internet world with different forms of the same thing. Instead of plastering myself all over the net with my facebook, linked in profile, blog, website, myspace, flickr, twitter, etc. (I forgot some, I’m sure), to please ten different audiences with ten different parts of myself, I want all of me (and my various forms) to be visible to the world just as they should be: as me, as one person, as Ishita. Contradictions and all.

Check out Danielle at http://www.Whitehottruth.com

In tennis, No-man’s land is not the place you want to be. The space between the baseline and volley line, it’s where you’re likely to be chastised for standing (“Gupta, get OUT of no-man’s land!”) and where you’ll hit the least shots.

The problem with no-man’s land is that you reach too far to hit long balls and too far to hit short balls. The middle is not an advantageous position as you flail and stretch for balls that soar past you or one’s that are just shy of your grasp. You’re breathless and mixed-up in no-man’s land.

The name itself sounds lonely and desperate, like a desert where you go to die.

When I played tennis I didn’t understand this concept. I thought the middle was the nicest, most effective place to be. Shouldn’t it make it easier to hit both long and short balls from the center? A natural hitter, I thought that positioning myself in the prime real estate nobody else wanted was an advantage.

At my coach’s behest, I consciously tried to avoid no-man’s land, but gravitated toward it in high school. It felt like the smart place to be to prepare for whatever came in.

My tennis started to suck. Royally. I flailed around and ran speedily back to reach long balls and as fast as I could back to reach short balls. I looked like a chicken with my head cut off and the courts filled with little kids waiting to kick my ass. I started to see that my techniques weren’t working and that perhaps heeding the advice that seemed counterintuitive to me would improve my game. I cautiously approached either the baseline or the volley line and avoided no-man’s land at all costs.

A creature of rationalization, I saw that I loved no-man’s land not because it mentally prepared to hit better, but because it didn’t force me to make a decision. The middle was safe place to be, and I didn’t have to choose my positioning based on what came in. I just hit whatever came in.

Tennis is a split-second sport. Michael Chang is intense and his feet move fast. He anticipates and makes a decision even before his opponent serves up a ball. Thus, he wins. My indecision in no-man’s land weakened everything about my game. I saw that I was scared of making a wrong decision and failing, and knew that the middle didn’t give me nearly as much anxiety as hitting from the baseline or the volley line. It was there where I could miss a shot if I chose wrong.

Being pro-active improved my game, but I also realized that failing was inevitable at times. I chose wrong at times and missed shots. But at least I was choosing. Staying in no-man’s land was a constant failure, and the alternative of making a decision but chancing a wrong move felt much better to me.

Sometimes the things that seem most natural or smart or intuitive for us to do are really just rationalizations because we’re scared of the alternatives. I saw this clearly with my tennis game and I see it in other aspects of my life as well. Nothing left to do but anticipate, prepare, and make the decisions that are the hardest to make, Chang-style.

How often do you think about the goal of your interaction with someone? Quite often we’re thinking about ourselves, what we can gain from this person, what exchanges we can make. We bring our assumptions and desires to the table to see what people can offer us.

Networking this way works, but more often than not, making an authentic connection gets lost in our inability to see a successful interaction for what it is: meaningful and reciprocal.

As we start our businesses, many of us require an established trust from those we will serve; a supportive and trusting relationship with the person that paves the way for enhanced interactions. Our clients and customers need to believe in us before they can spread the word and become our evangelists. Before they even become a part of our tribe, we have to take many many steps to earn their trust. In this way, the symbiotic relationship is beneficial to both. Once we establish our trust, our clients will want to talk about our services and take initiative on behalf of the tribe.

Prior to that, we have no permission. To ask, to want, to force-feed our services.

Building this trust at the inception of our businesses is a crucial stepping stone, and easier than filling in holes and waiting to earn this trust later on.

That requires a non-”networking” or “what can I get out of this interaction?” mindset. It shifts our position into one of giving, of delivering. Instead of taking, we hold our customers needs as a high priority and shift our focus into helping them get what they want first, then asking them to spread the word.

*in great quantities.