In Boston, students dominate the landscape. Starbucks and backpacks for miles. I spent some time teaching English to international students, and although I was the teacher, I learned a lot about myself and in general from my students (who couldn’t believe that a small, smiley Indian was their English teacher.)

The greatest thing I discovered, besides the fact that English is hard to teach and even harder to learn, is that the learning process is complicated and full of components, a huge one being comfort. How a student takes in knowledge is important, but really, what I noticed was that a certain comfort level needed to be established before any learning could take place.

For international students especially, those far from home, in a strange land (yes, America is strange), learning a new language with new peers is daunting. Although we went over grammar well (as well as one can), we spent a great deal of time talking about their time in the U.S., their friends and parents at home, their future careers, their apartment hunts in the city, etc.

One student, Anna, from Spain, was a great student, totally open and receptive to learning, but I noticed that she always seemed a bit nervous or blue or just uncomfortable, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. We spoke after class one day and turns out she was feeling hugely isolated in Boston, away from her family, and mingling with students half her age (She was a business professional learning English for work.) I totally empathized as feeling isolated and missing my family is something i’ve always felt when I’m away, and we talked about that for a few minutes. She’s Spanish, so I knew my usual affection, something that might weird other people out, would go a long way with her. We connected and talked about her fears and from that minute on, things changed. Not that Anna was more teachable, but she was much more open to life. Big difference.

Our interaction took on a different tone, and it was as though a huge weight had been lifted simply by talking about her fears and anxieties. I saw that those few minutes dismissed any potential problems she may have had about being in Boston, and that the slightest reference to her discomfort made it disappear. Left unchecked, I think it would have loomed, dominated her mind, and the outcome would have been entirely different. I bet she would have still learned English, but that her experience would not have brought many worthwhile memories.

Once you prove to someone you care, they start to care about proving to you their end of the bargain. I knew Anna wanted to prove to me that she could be happy and learn English well, and I was glad we had a respect for each other in that regard.

Sometimes the goal (learning English) may be better served by not recognizing the goal and instead thinking about the lead-up to achieving that goal, i.e. getting students to a level of comfort, within themselves and with me, enough to want to learn English. Realizing that there’s a reason that a person is coming to a situation the way they are is a useful skill. Recognizing and acknowledging the depth of what they’re bringing with them (emotionally and mentally) is even more important.

Please forgive any grammar mistakes in this post, and just to make it useful, here’s a link to who vs. whom, so you can finally let go of (some) of your grammar frustration. Because it’s important.