If hearing the word NO or getting rejected makes you feel bad, today’s video will make you feel goooood. It shows you not only how I reframed rejection when a client said No, but how to view it as something you actually feel lucky for, believe it or not. Si, es posible. :)
Below is the process I went through. It was swift, powerful, and most of all, EFFECTIVE. I kept momentum for the launch, kept my spirits up, and didn’t let it affect my actions, which it easily could have, “Oh God, now what!” “Is it even worth it?! “Will everyone feel this way?”
Lots of people, including myself in the past, do this. Most people take things personally, feel bad, and let anxiety take over.
But it’s not who we are now, right? Roiiight!!!
It’s at this very crucial moment where you have a choice to REFRAME. And re-frame you must.
That’s the only reason I still feel strong and can focus on serving. Because I can BE with people, whether they’re a Yes or a No.
Today’s video shows you 10 ways I worked through rejection and how you can do it too. I filmed it in a phone booth!
1. Don’t be weird about money or selling.
I know that’s a tall order for most people since we weren’t raised to be open about money. Our culture fiercely and persistently blasts us with advertising so that we’re WAITING to pounce on people who sell to us. We’re so used to it, we feel like we have to PROVE why we want to say no.
A truthful no takes guts.
As a business owner, I know people are scared and pressured. If there’s real truth, I say it, but I also know how to BE with people, “I genuinely get it.” We create a safe space that maybe they’ve never had before. If you recognize people are used to seeing others wig out when they hear no, but you don’t, they’ll remember that.
2. Drop your agenda.
If you don’t have a goal beyond selling for dollars, every call can lead to disappointment. If your agenda, however, is to blast through a limit or make them feel powerful, you’ve got way more runway to feel fulfilled and make an impact enough so they actually CARE about your product. Since my work teaches people tools to empower themselves, if someone says no, I consider it mission accomplished.
3. Be loving.
There’s no other way I want to feel, even if it sounds trite. I’ve been there where I said no to someone and got berated for it. It felt awful and I’ve never forgotten the feeling. Even when my own coaches cut through my bullshit, they’re not unkind about it. When I tell the truth, I season it with sweetness. I never want to make people feel hopeless. Plus, in the end you don’t know; This is their decision, not necessarily a bad decision.
4. Be glad they CHOSE, whatever the outcome.
As a coach, it’s GREAT if clients make powerful decisions for themselves. That’s the point, right? People choosing for THEMSELVES is the goal, even if it’s a no. If they’ve chosen powerfully, so be it. Awesome.
5. Do not take it personally.
You probably catch the drift by now, but their choice has nothing to do with you. Absolutely nothing. It has to do with their money, mindset, and circumstances.
If you take it personally, you create a false story to believe in.
6. Be grateful for No’s because you only want 100% Yes’s.
The more you sell, the more No’s you get. The more No’s you get, the closer you are to Yes’s. You’re always getting warmer! Think of it like dating. Personally, 10 half-interested men are far less desirable than one man who knows what he wants, knows himself, and isn’t afraid to get it. Same thing in business. I want enthusiasm, excitement, and someone who’s clearly committed to a great, risky life. Those people stoke my fire, we get the most results together, and I want to help them more!
7. Everything and everyone changes.
Needs change. Dreams change. People change. Impermanence is the only reality. Evolution happens to everyone, everywhere. If someone isn’t your cup of tea or vice versa, do NOT take it personally.
8. Be grateful for their business and partnership.
This actually made me tear up in the phone booth. I thought about how lucky I was to have worked with my client for four years. Four years(!) of collaboration, service, practicing my craft. Four years of regular business. To even be in the position where someone can say no is a blessing itself.
9. Check your mindset: Are you in abundance or scarcity?
Scarcity looks like fear and panic when you hear no. Abundance looks like gratitude, consistent action, and SPACIOUSNESS. It’s completely normal to feel rejected and disappointed, but if you’re grounded in VALUE – giving people tools to help improve their lives – you’ve got nothing to worry about. But if you’re only worried about numbers, you’re in trouble.
Behind numbers are PEOPLE.
And people are weird and lovely and messy. They have stuff going on you can’t predict and desires that change all the time. That’s humanity. If someone feels they’ve got enough skills and tools to go for it AND they say a powerful No, it’s a huge compliment to you. THAT is value.
10. Remember it’s about people, not numbers.
At the end of the day, this is someone’s mother, brother, husband, friend. Whoever they are, they demand the respect you’d want for your family. My client sent me a voicemail after I told her I loved her and she wanted me to include it in this post. She said, “This was a really difficult decision for me. I’m still a bit ambivalent and sad about it, because I know it will be marvelous. I think people forget when they hear no, that sometimes we might feel regretful, even if we know we’re making the right decision for ourselves.”
The courage. The honesty! Even in the middle of her No she shows the vulnerable humanity, depth and seriousness that goes into a decision like this.
It demands respect. She demands respect. She demands the chance to fly as high as she can.
Remember, next time you do anything with the potential for No: it only feels bad when YOU haven’t done the work on YOU. When you know what you’re up to and WHY, it comes front and center and the fear goes away.